Spouse selection; seeing each other during the proposal
- Updated On Monday, 23 February 2015
- Written by Ayatullah Ja'far Subhani
- Editor Kawther Rahmani
- Supervisor Sayyed Roohullah Musavi
- Published on Saturday, 14 May 2011
- Hits: 465 views
- Hits: How should the girls be shown in proposals so that their dignity is protected?
Particular care and delicateness should be exercised in regard to seeing a girl that is being proposed for marriage in that the dignity and honour of the girl should be kept in view and not damaged. The girl should not be shown to whoever comes to ask for her hand prior to investigation, advice-seeking and attaining sufficient recognition of the boy in question. This is so that it is not afterwards discovered that she is unsuitable, or that they do not match and he walks out, and another one turns up and the process continues repeatedly. This manner and style of practice damages the dignity of the girl and has a negative effect upon her morale. The more modest and chaste the girl is, the more she would be pained and hurt by this practice. The correct mode of action in this regard is that whenever someone comes with a proposal, all the preliminaries such as investigation, advice-seeking, and conveying messengers should be done in the beginning, and when all the dimensions of the affair have been judged to be satisfactory, and it becomes clear that the boy does not have any negative intention and they are a good match for each other, and there is no hurdle or constraint on their way to marriage…indeed, there is a strong probability of their marriage taking place…only then would the time be appropriate for them to see each other as the last and final phase of selection. Thus, approval is limited, confined and specified to a serious intention of marriage with a specified and fixed person under special conditions and circumstances. One who comes to propose cannot see everyone on the pretext of selecting a spouse for marriage. Islam has given permission only in the above-mentioned case and for the same specified and fixed matter. Any type of seeing each other outside of this framework is "prohibited."