Be well-mannered
- Updated On Monday, 23 February 2015
- Written by Ayatullah Ibrahim Amini
- Editor Kawther Rahmani
- Supervisor Sayyed Roohullah Musavi
- Published on Monday, 14 February 2011
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- Hits: How should a man confront the difficulties of life and how can he overcome them?
If we do not lose heart when faced with hardships, and try to control ourselves, we can, through prudence, overcome our difficulties. Thus, not resorting to anger, which may itself add to our problems, is a prudent act. Therefore, a wise person is the one who is not affected by hardships. We have the ability to overcome all difficulties through patience and wisdom. Is it not a pity that we lose control over matters resulting from the inevitable events of life? Moreover, why should you blame your wife and children for your misfortunes? Your wife is performing her share of duties. She has to take care of the house and the children. She has to do the washing, cooking, ironing, cleaning, etc. You should encourage her by the way you treat her. Your children are also doing their own work. They too wait for their father to make them happy. Teach them the right things and encourage them in their studies. Is it fair that you confront your family with a grim and angry face? They expect you to fulfill their righteous desires. They expect kindness from you and want you to talk to them gently and behave pleasantly. They would hate you for ignoring their feelings and for turning the house into a dark place in which there is not a glimpse of happiness. Do you know how much they could suffer from your unpleasant and harsh manners? Even if you do not take your family very seriously, at least have mercy upon yourself. You can be sure that you would damage your own health by being bad-tempered. How can you continue to work and how can you achieve anything successfully? Why should you turn your house into a hell? Is it not better for you to always be happy and confront your problems with prudence and not anger? Would you not prefer to believe that anger will not solve your problems, but would add to them instead? Would you not agree that, while being at home, you should rest and regain your strength in order to find a suitable solution to your problems with a clear mind? You should meet your family with a smile on your face. You should joke with them in a nice manner and try to create a happy atmosphere at home. You should eat and drink with them and take rest. In this way you and your family would enjoy life and you would overcome your problems easily. That is why the holy religion of Islam regards good behaviour as a part of religion and a sign of the utmost level of faith. The Prophet (S) of Allah stated: "Whoever is more well-behaved is more complete in his faith. The best among you (the people) is one who does good to his family." (1) The Prophet (S) also stated: "There is no deed better than good behaviour." (2) Imam Sadiq (A) stated: "Doing good to the people and behaving properly with them makes the cities populous and increases the age (of the citizens)." (3) Imam Sadiq (A) also stated: "An immoral person remains involved in torture and anguish." (4) Luqman stated: "A sagacious man must act like a child when with his family and leave his manly behaviour for when he is out of his house." (5) The Prophet (S) of Allah stated: "There is no joy better than good behaviour." (6) The Prophet (S) also stated: "Good behaviour is half the religion (of Islam)." (7) 'It has been reported that when Sa'ad ibn Ma'adh, one of the great companions of the Holy Prophet (S), died, the Holy Prophet (S) took part in his funeral with bare feet, as if he had lost someone from among his own family. The Prophet (S) placed the dead body in the grave with his pious hands and then covered it. The mother of Sa'ad, who was observing the Holy Prophet's (S) respect for her son, addressed Sa'ad and said: "O Sa'ad! Enjoy Paradise." The Prophet (S) of Allah told her: "O mother of Sa'ad, do not say that - because Sa'ad has just experienced Daghtat al-Qabr (torment by way of compression in the grave, etc). Later, when the Prophet (S) was asked about the reason for Sa'ad's Daghtat al-Qabr, the Prophet (S) replied: "It was because he (Sa'ad) was mistreating his family."' (8)
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References (1) Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 103, p. 226. (2) Shafi, vol. 1, p. 166. (3) Ibid.[4] Ibid., p. 176. (5) Mahajjat al-Bayda, vol. 2, p. 54. (6) Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 71, p. 389. (7) Ibid., p. 385. (8) Ibid., vol. 73, p. 298.